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Kristin Hersh and I spoke by phone, and as we chatted I could
hear the dishes being done in her Rhode Island kitchen. It seemed
to give our conversation all the more of a "regular
mom" feel. The following week that sense of coziness was
replaced by the surreal vision of Kristin on stage at Brownie's,
a sweaty, cramped dive in NYC's East Village. The Throwing Muses' latest
release, Limbo, is a deft myriad of hide-and-go-seek rock coupled
with Kristin's complex psyche. Melodic, yet mad. Her
significantly knocked-up tummy was the actual resting place for
her guitar. Her prenatal kid had no escape from the rumble and
din of music vibrating from mom's body. My mind boggled to
imagine the the womb. At the first set's conclusion, Kristin
earnestly thanked her public for not smoking. Regular is one
thing this mother is not.
T: Tell me about your kids...
K: I have a 10-year-old named
Dylan, a 5-year-old named Ryder and one who will be born on New
Year's Eve. I'm just beyond the sick stage now and just into fat
and happy which is my favorite part. I don't get funky hormone
things either so I'm usually in a good mood when I'm pregnant.
T: What was going on in your life
when you got pregnant with Dylan?
K: I was 18, in a band, living in
Boston. The band was living together in an apartment. It wasn't a
great time to have a baby, I don't recommend it. He kinda grew up
in a van, sleeping in bathtubs in hotel rooms, which I felt
terrible about but he didn't notice. Just to have Mom there, that
was home.
T: Were you dating the father?
K: High school boyfriend. We
dated a few years, then we broke up, then we got pregnant
-another thing I don't recommend.
T: Why did you choose to keep the
baby?
K: I guess you always think
you're gonna have an abortion, it's the sensible thing to do. I
went to the beach right after I found out and I was the only
person in the world who knew about this life, and I just stared
at the water and it seemed like a real life. There was a spark
there that I didn't want to get rid of.
T: How would you advise a woman
in the same situation?
K: I don't think you can. I don't
think there ever is a same situation.
T: Who raised you?
K: My mother. My parents were
divorced. Mom is a sweet, southern lady who thinks being kind is
the most important thing in the world. I had a kind of a hippie,
flighty Dad. He went out to Death Valley and listened to voices
in his head. He's our Dad, but I don't know if I would call that
raising kids.
T: What is the main difference
between how you were raised and how you're raising your kids?
K: We have a nuclear family. We're
very intent on keeping the kids' life a kid's life. We don't let
them into reality easily cause we don't think they can take it
yet. I remember not being able to take it and having it shoved in
my face.
T: The similarity?
K: The kids live on health food,
which we just despised our parents for. Tofu was like junk food
to us. Then you go to school and you realize that you're a hippie
freak, just like your parents. So that's what I feed my poor
children. They're bitter of course, but they're beautiful.
T: Is there anything you swore
you'd never do as a mother that you now find yourself doing?
K: I tell them what they like to
eat. I'll say, "But you love this!" Now I know why my
mother did this.
T: Are you raising your sons genderlessly?
K: They are turning out that way.
I don't know how much is us. My job seems pretty much to be
pouring the cereal and doing the laundry and they raise
themselves. I'm too busy to do much forming. They're not
excessively feminine, but they are very gentle and kind and
complex. They never went through that "grrrr" he-man
thing. That would be as freaky to me as if I had a girl who was
flirty or manipulative.
T: How will you explain drugs to
your kids?
K: Boy, that's a good one. Dylan
sees it but I don't think he knows what drugs are for. It's easy
to look at a junkie and think they're insane, it's not so easy to
do that when you can recognize the junkie in you.
T: What
is your proudest Motherhood accomplishment?
K: Their health, I guess. 'Cause
I'm not really responsible for anything else. You don'tknow how
to make fingernails, but you did somehow; you figure the whole
thing's magic and you got tricked into it. And it's like that
everyday. They like having me around, but the only thing that I
really have control over is how healthy they are, and that's not
a little issue.
T: What would you say is your
greatest regret?
K: I don't see the kids as often
as I want to. There's no way to make up for that lost time and
yet, I've got to look at the positive side of that, which is that
they see a woman and her family doing something with a passion
and also caring enough to focus on them, which we both do. It's
just that I spend a lot of time paying my dues in other ways, not
just motherhood. When I'm home, I'm home. I'm a real housewife.
T: What is the greatest hope and
desire you have for your children?
K: That they're honest and happy.
You can be happy without being honest and that's no good.
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Article originally appeared in BUST magazine, issue number
8 (Fall/Winter 1996), conducted via phone by Tori Galore. You can
email the Editors/Publishers of Bust at: BUST@aol.com (Celina
Hex), or BettyBUST@aol.com (Betty
Boob).
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